28 December 2010

PowerPoint Christmas circular competition result

This year's competition, inspired by the rise and rise of the Christmas circular letter, invited readers to take this art form to a new level of tedium:

All you have to do is to design a PowerPoint show for posting online to keep all your friends and relations up to date on the wondrous achievements of your children, the latest antics of your cats and dogs, your exotic holidays, etc., etc., etc. Whether you stick to the truth or tell a pack of lies is entirely up to you.

Laura Goldberg, who will be receiving a signed copy of Lend Me Your Ears for producing such a masterful blend of banality, boastfulness and fake sincerity.

She lost a few points early on in the show for being rather too clear and persuasive, concentrating as she did on three children and three pets, about the first few of which there were three blobs.

But she made up for this by earning bonus points for screwing up such a promising start by abandoning the structure completely, for no apparent reason and without any rational explanation whatsoever (from slide 5 onwards) - thereby demonstrating one of the many types of audience distraction commonly inflicted on audiences by PowerPoint presenters.

Hello dearest friends.

We are delighted to inform you of our family news this year.

Our children are splendid
Tom Cooper Ellis Joy Jones (15.5yrs)
  • Upgraded school shoes from velcro to laces
  • Makes us smile every day.
  • We're very proud.
Our children are splendid
Calum Ben James Marcus Oliver (17yrs)
  • Spelt out word for female breast on his calculator.
  • Most creative in expression.
  • Destined to be a writer.
Our children are splendid
Timothy Alfred Jack Louis Daniel (19yrs)
  • Reached second gig venue on Guitar Hero World Tour.
  • Very talented.
  • On his way to rock stardom.
Our pets are bothersome
Tom (cat)
  • Lives largely in own world.
  • Brings home assorted fish for our supper.
  • Salmon. Haddock. Plaice.
  • Makes a mess.
Our pets are bothersome
Harry (dog)
  • Is deaf as a post.
  • Munches treats a little too loudly.
  • Plays Elgar on our piano.
  • Irritates the family.
Our pets are bothersome
Dick (hamster)
  • Thinks himself a Houdini.
  • Escapes regularly, with not a tooth mark in sight.
  • Cage security grows by the day.
  • As does our resentment.
Happy Christmas
Lloyd-Kennedy-Davies family XXX


Laura said...

Count the cliches!

Thanks for the analysis and the prize, I look forward to reading it.

Anonymous said...

Congrats Laura, well done!! :-)